My mother passed away unexpectedly in 2024. I was devastated, but I was still a leader. I was still a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, an executive, and a woman with people depending on me at work, at home, and everywhere in between. 

Many Junior League women know that tension well. We lead teams, families, boards, volunteer organizations, households, and communities. Then life changes, sometimes without warning, and the responsibility does not disappear. 

That is the question at the heart of The Mourning Manager™: What happens when life changes forever, but responsibility, leadership, ambition, deadlines, teams, and expectations do not disappear with it? 

And loss is bigger than the death of someone we love. It can look like caregiving or anticipatory grief, a change in health, the end of a relationship, a career shift, a move, a changing identity, or letting go of a future we expected to have. We experience loss in many forms, but we do not always give ourselves permission to call it loss. 

For leaders, that matters. Recent Center for Creative Leadership research found that 90% of managers noticed some performance impact in an employee after bereavement, and about 40% observed moderate-to-great effects that could last days, weeks, or even months. Nearly three in four bereaved employees said they did not have enough time away from work to grieve. 

What we carry personally does not stay neatly outside the office door. 

In the days after my mother passed, a fellow Junior League Member sent breakfast from Chick-fil-A to my parents’ home the morning of the funeral. For about a week following, I drove my mother’s car there each day, picked up lunch, and sat in the parking lot for about 15 minutes before doing whatever came next. Those 15 minutes were not really about lunch. They were about giving my heart a little time to catch up with what my life had just experienced. Looking back, that was one of my first pauses. 

During the workshop, I shared Pause. Plan. Protect., a framework I developed for The Mourning Manager™ from my own experience with loss, leadership, and continuing to carry responsibility when life changes forever. 

Pausing means being honest about what I am carrying before I automatically push through it. Planning means thinking ahead about moments I already know may be hard, whether that is returning to work, a holiday or anniversary, or what I call the moment after. Protecting means being intentional about what helps me stay whole, including my joy, faith, relationships, rest, and capacity. 

I have had to learn that being able to function does not necessarily mean I am restored. 

High-performing women can become very good at keeping everything moving while carrying far more than anyone around us realizes. 

Restoration looks different depending on the day. I may need sleep, prayer, movement, laughter, or time with people who know me well. I may need 15 quiet minutes alone. I may need to decline something without giving everyone the backstory. I may also need to enjoy something beautiful, even when it comes with the ache of wishing my mother were here. Many of the women who supported me most during my own season of loss were Junior League women, relationships built over years of serving and leading together. That made this conversation especially meaningful. 

I am grateful that the Junior League is willing to bring conversations like this to the forefront. Our Leagues create space for women to be in community with one another, not only when life is going well, but when it changes. That community helps us continue leading the communities around us.